To 14 Years of Marriage

So our 14^th anniversary was celebrated last night – now let’s just say it isn’t often that we ‘celebrate’ our anniversary…and it was awesome, spent with new friends and hopefully is indicative of us really trying to do things differently as it is a day that we often treat like all others.

This year I woke up on 26 February, 14 years after we took our vows and I began to think about how far we have come.

We have had a huge number of setbacks in our time together, but we have also had blessings! Many of them! Our 2 beautiful boys are a reminder of just how blessed one can be, every day we see them learning new things, growing into wonderful, caring boys. Through all the turmoil we have kept our home, we have homed others who found themselves homeless (many times over) we have extended our home to bring my parents to live with us. My children are blessed to have granny and oupa next door and get to grow up with their guidance. We have had many pets and are proud to have our old souls still with us, Pumba who is 15, Bugzy almost 14, Beertjie, almost 13 and our babies Brock (4) and Scarlet (3) ….let us not forget Seun the Bosc Monitor and old Stoffel, my crazy ass – full of attitude bird who has just turned 8. (Ps. Fish don’t take offence that you don’t get special mention, but there are just too many of you).

There has always been food on the table, clothes on our backs (thank God, can you imagine….ooh eh eh – the visual!!!)  and a car or two in the carport. These are pretty good innings when you know what we have been through. We have helped others when we could and in turn others have helped us when we needed it. Sometimes this help came from the strangest places, but it came and we are forever grateful.

On our journey we have loved each other and we have hated each other and sometimes stopped to wonder if we even like each other. The setbacks in your life can do this to you, but it’s how you choose to deal with it from day to day makes all the difference. So what hit me like a sledge hammer yesterday is that I am forgiving of my friends mistakes, in fact I am often making excuses for why they did what they did, but with my husband I am not so forgiving.  I will crucify him for his errors and my friends I will love just the way they are and realise on certain things I will always have a different opinion or way of dealing with things than them….because I really believe that it is ok, because we are all individuals and have different things that are important to us. What I decided on 26 February 2014 is to be more forgiving of his short comings and in so doing he may be of mine, I will accept that some things are more important to me than him and that is ok. I will not crucify him for doing things his way or for appearing to be less ‘interested’ in the children’s school, concerts, parents evenings etc. I will accept that he was not cut out for this and realise that doesn’t mean he loves our kids any less than me!  I will be less forceful about the right and the wrong way, as no way is cast in stone and what really makes my way better than yours?…ok, so maybe I will need some help on this one, because my way normally is better J

So to my hubby as much as I want to kill you sometimes, thank you for being in my corner, thank you for sharing your life with me and despite how I feel once a month just before a certain visitor I really do love you!

To friendship!

So it has been forever since I did a blog but we have just come back from our 20 year school reunion - which was to say the least ABSOLUTELY AWESOME! I love my girl friends and this reunion was just a reminder that no matter how many years pass, your girls are your girls! I got to see so many old friends as well as my besties and it was just so special!

 

Which then gets me thinking that my whole life is made of woman who make my life better,

whether it is because they add the laughs, the fun, the entertainment, the tears, just about all the best parts of my life are thanks to the woman in it!

 

I have been so blessed to have so many good friends, the one thing I have done right is find myself such amazing ladies who I call my friends!

 

 

Recently Dillon worked on a project which referred to one’s group of friends as fruit salad, each one representing a fruit in your life. This got me thinking and I realised how true this.

My fruit salad goes something like this (in alphabetical order of course, as each part of my salad is as important as the other in creating a well-rounded, perfect taste J)

Charlotte – the Granadilla / Passion Fruit

This is the vital addition to an extra special fruit salad – it adds its own unique flavour. Much like this reliable fruit, even though it may not present itself often, you know it’s always there and depending on when it’s picked is depending on whether you find the wonderful sweet fruit or the sharp, tangy taste.

Dominique – the Melon

A wonderful component of the fruit salad is this beautiful, sweet fruit. It hides its beauty in its shell, but as you cut away you find a bright, sweet fruit. It can be the basis of the salad or a few slices of décor, either way it makes each mouthful just plain wonderful.

Lara – the Pear

Hiding beneath this firm outer skin are mouthfuls of sweet flesh. If you handle it perfectly well you will be assured of enjoying the whole pear right down to the inner core. You don’t want to bruise this pear as it will not create the perfect balance when it has been neglected.

Narelle – the Banana

One of the most reliable parts for any fruit salad – you can always count on the availability of the banana. When you need it, it will be there! This fruit needs to be handled perfectly, however it’s perfectly looking exterior may hide some seriously bruised flesh from time to time, but it  will always try to present itself as the perfectly as possible.

Tami – the Litchi

Appearing to be a ‘tough cookie’ fruit with its hard outer skin you may just underestimate the real delicacy of this fruit. It will always appear strong and tough, but as you break through that protective skin you reach the sweetest, softest, most delicate fruit. It clings to its seed which is its core value. It may not always be available but when it is you are reminded of how perfectly it can round off any salad.

Tanja – the Pineapple

This fruit presents a very different exterior to its interior. The sharp edges and spikey leaves, which can even leave your hands feeling a little delicate as you try to reach its sweet fruit inside, may just mislead you to what you may find. Its sharp edges almost make you steer away from taking the trouble to get to the inside, but something keeps you trying and before you know it you are presented with sweet, delectable juice running out and as you cut away at the fruit you reach a stable core. Another fruit that is always reliable and always adding the right amount of oomph to any salad. It’s wonderful attribute of complimenting all kinds of fruit makes it extra special.

Venessa – the Kiwi Fruit

Ah the unique addition which adds its own class.  Appearing firm and protected but as you peel away this skin you find this uniquely coloured flesh with perfectly arranged seeds. Everything so wonderfully organised. All this perfection hidden in a honeyed, tasty flesh. This fruit adds a delectable contrast to the salad, but to appreciate it’s true unique taste it is best eaten on its own. Once it lets you in to its sweet syrupy flesh you want  to be sure  to handle it delicately – this way you will most definitely enjoy all the added advantage of this wonderful fruit.

So to each of my fruits, thanking you for the part you add to my salad. I am so very blessed to have each and everyone of you in my life. Love you all to bits xxxxx
(PS - had so many love piccies to add but this darn thing aint playing the game :(  )

Winter, 3G and losing loved ones!

For some time now I have been thinking about the fact that I have just lost my urge to blog,

but then it dawned on me it had nothing to do with my lack of interest but everything to do with the weather!

I have a serious allergic reaction to the cold – it tends to keep me bed bound and sleeping – FARK, the more I read that statement I think I finally realized why I can’t lose weight –

I am a bear…OH MY GAWD …oh no wait, don’t bears stop eating while they hibernate,

okay so maybe I am half a bear!

Alas it was literally one of the colder winters we have had in a while!

So yes I could have brought my laptop to the bed, but the problem is this – my 3G

connection is really awful – the best signal is at the entrance of the kitchen generally whilst I balance on my right foot and lean my laptop to the left just above my head…then I just have to sway slightly...a little to the left then a little to the right, all the time trying to see if the skype tick comes on!

As you can imagine this alone can be quite an exercise, let alone getting up to do this at minus 2 degrees!

Right now I have decided to not enter into the yoga rendition of 3G connection, but rather sit comfortably on the couch  and literally I have been disconnected more than 15 times!

So now I have simply resorted to typing my blog on word and sending it across to Blogger when the internet connection allows it!

Anyways I spent my afternoon at a memorial for wonderful man who did so much for our family…this was in the memorial handout and I found it so touching…

(I guess at this point I once again know where my son may get his ADD…)

And no, it wasn’t the ADD sign in the program, that is just me being unsuitably distracted again!

On a serious note this is how it goes:

You can shed tears that he is gone,

Or you can smile because he lived,

You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back,

Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left,

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him,

Or you can be full of the love that you shared,

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,

Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday,

You can remember him and only that he is gone,

Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on,

You can cry and close your mind be empty and turn your back.

Or you can do what he would want

smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

D. Hawkins 1959

†03 October 1956 – 07 September 2012†

Such a touching poem, a wonderful way to look at a loss of someone close

We recently attended a wonderful presentation, called

‘Make your Dash Count’ (referring to the ‘ – ‘ between when you were born and when you died)

I can truly and honestly say Mark did just that,

his dash really counted and it was clear by the number of people who came to pay their respects

what an impact he made

They can finally say Mark is resting!

RIP Mark and the rest of ‘em will “Keep on Selling”

Dear 15 Year Old Caroline

Dear 15 Year Old Caroline

Where do I begin? You have the world at your feet right now, whilst you may complain constantly about your body and have hang ups about every part of it, you need to stop worrying and start living! Right now, stop holding yourself back. Yes, you will battle with weight your whole life, but right now you are in the best shape you have ever been in and ever will be in! Moving is effortless! Life is pure and easy and this won’t last.  

Don’t be stupid and give up International travel for boyfriends, you will lose out on amazing opportunities in life and he will dump you later on anyway (you don’t know this yet, but you will do this again TWICE – mmm seems you don’t learn lessons easily) Any man worth keeping is one who will be there after the trip!

You will choose the hard roads, it’s almost a given! Simplicity will be delivered to your doorstep and you will choose the alternate – DON’T! Choose easy, choose life, choose living!  Choose financial freedom, don’t take responsibility for other people, you will become accustomed to fixing people’s problems, they will let you – so please just look after you and learn to say NO!!!!

Your willpower now is the best it will ever be, take advantage of it and keep going with the changes you have made as they are good ones and if you stick to them they will stand you well in your future!

Use sunscreen, ALWAYS, especially on your chest, you have been blessed with good skin, but the sun will take that from you if you don’t watch out. Clean your make up off and use moisturiser – age will creep up on you when you least expect it – be ready for it, be armed!

Say sorry more, it will set you free – learn to let go of the things people say to you, or else at 36 you will still be able to recite word for word the nasty things people said and it will dictate your life and before you know it you will be exactly what they said – keep the power!

You meet two wonderful friends now, you will go through many life experiences together, some life changing ones, but in true form you will keep these friendships alive – you stay good at that you know!

You are beautiful, young, funny and vibrant – live, love, laugh – be the life and soul of the party and maybe just maybe look at that opportunity in front of you and make a better choice!

With love and hugs – 36 year old you!

Me time ....OR NOT!

Getting some time out in my household is not an easy thing – all 3 males in my home feel the need to always know where I am at all times – this has nothing to do with my security!

Recently while re-doing the towel cupboard I came across the bathroom key – you see this has been removed from the bathroom door once Nathan learnt to move (it was clear from the moment he was mobile that he was in training for the demolition team) So to prevent us having to chop down the door to retrieve him we decided to just remove the key.

For some stupid reason, in my little mind, I thought that locking the bathroom door, may just buy me 20 minutes of peace….so it went something like this….

Me:        Climb in beautiful hot, bubble bath….gently relaxing all muscles…….

Interrupted by (BANG, BANG, BANG!!!)

Me:        Hit vertical position in seconds and almost jump out of  bath, heart now beating through throat to inside right cheek

Nathan:                  Mom???? You in there???

Me:                        Yes, I am

Nathan:                  Why can’t I open the door???

Me:                        Because I locked for time out

Nathan:                  What’s time out???

Me:                        Some ME time

Nathan:                  Oh. Mom open the door

Me:                        No, ME time means just ME in here

Nathan:                  Mom, I love you like a jelly tot   (blackmail deluxe)

Me:                        I love you too, but now I am having a bath ALONE

Nathan:                  Mom???

Me:                        Yes?

Nathan:                  Can you see my fingers?

Me:                        Uhmm yes I can!   (They have been squished under the bathroom door)

Nathan:                  Mom, can I come in

(At this stage I start to wonder if my kids are maybe like rats and that he may just squeeze under the door…..however, it seems I am safe)

Me:                        I am almost done

Nathan:                  Mommmmmm I  NEED to POO…..

Me:                        Go to my bathroom

Nathan:                  No I only use my bathroom

And yes, by this stage I realise I have been more harassed than I would be if we were doing the usual where he attempts to destroy the bathroom while every now and again surprising me with a cold, wet schrunchie against my back!

I succumb to opening the door!

Nathan - 1, Mom - 0

Tonsillectomies and the drama that goes with it!

Generally I have some really funny occurrence that drives me to blog, but I dare say that my current driver is nothing more than stress and sadness!

A few weeks ago, we thought we would be doing our youngest son, Nathan a favour and booked him in for a tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy (T&A). Having started pre-school in Jan 2012 he was constantly full of tonsillitis and running awful fevers. So after 4 lots of antibiotics in as many months we decided that 17 May 2012 would be D-Day for the T&A.

After being at the hospital from 6:15, our rather strong willed son was eventually taken in for his surgery at 10:35 – quite a wait for a kid who does not cope without food in his system. Needless to say it was a hellish morning but he did well when he came back from recovery and after some tears, had a good sleep brought on by the suppository he was given before they brought him round. Keen to go home, he made his way through some toasted cheese quarters, jelly beans, chips, ice cream and coke. Last in our room for surgery and first to go home because of his willingness to eat etc.

Given this we were quite confident that he would do just as well as his older brother had done 6 years prior! Oh were we given a wake up call when by day 4 he took a dip and would hardly eat or drink and seemed to be in a lot more pain than Dillon ever was. We were forced to continue pain treatment for almost 10 days. Even though it had reduced to only twice a day, there was definitely a need for pain meds early morning and evening. According to the post op check the ENT did mention that he appeared to be healing slower than the average, but he would be fine, it would just mean more toast and a little more time…

The breath was not a problem as he regularly brushed his teeth and used mouth wash. The mood however is extremely strained and he is somewhat more emotional than ever. Tomorrow is 3 weeks since the surgery and we are now left with a kid who has severe hypernasality and Pollakiuria…what is that you may ask. Well hypernasality is basically speech that is now so nasal you can almost not hear what he pronounces. Apparently this can take some months to correct itself but could require speech therapy. The palate now needs time to repair and then the child must learn to pronounce the words again with the missing flesh that was once there. Pollakiuria – well that is excess daytime urination, basically brought on by stress but meaning that the child urinates every 5 to 10 minutes. I have just discovered that I may as well stop the Citra Soda as there is nothing this medicine will do as he in fact has no infection, this is purely a stress reaction.

I assume this stress reaction was brought on by the T&A as he is now extremely sensitive and cries almost daily when being dropped off at school.

So really all we hoped was to do the best for our son and prevent all the fevers etc., now he has the above as well as still battling an extremely sensitive throat and post nasal drip. My eldest son, was clearly the text book case as he cried like hell when he came out of surgery and within 2 days we wouldn’t have known he even had surgery….

I am sure that in time we will be grateful for having done this – as a adult with tonsils I know to well what pain I go through, so this will be for the best, however right now I feel I did my child and me a disservice and really hope that all the post surgery ailments will heal sooner than later L

Sometimes it’s just hell being a parent!

The joys of ADHD

Whilst I don’t profess to have the world’s best attention span, having an ADHD kid can open your eyes. The fact that the human brain can have so much going on at any given time is beyond me!

A typical conversation…and I swear this is almost verbatim…”mom, dad just caught a mouse the other one got away I hope it’s not in mommy’s lounge cos it will eat mommy’s couch and mommy will freak” …I didn’t forget to punctuate, there is no punctuation because he says all this without even breathing let alone punctuation…he then squeezes in a small breath and continues ... “I don’t like different marshmallows, only normal ones you know pink and white ones not other ones”

I stare, my mouth hangs opens, I am somewhat exhausted just trying to keep pace with these previous sentence…he ends with a “you know mommy” and looks to me for comment and confirmation.

I am dumbfounded, speechless and grasping to make sense of all of this, I wonder W T F do marshmallows have to do with mice and how did that conversation just link to the one with the mice…all I can think is somewhere in his brain, he thought of the mice story, then thought of marshmallow mice and hence the story of his preference in marshmallows followed? Don’t worry if you are confused because I am too!

He looks at me, this look of disappointment, I can almost feel his shock at my inability to keep pace with a “simple” conversation once again!

So now I am laughing, laughing so hard – not at the above, but by the fact that I just had to interrupt writing my blog to go give the kids medicine (no that’s not the funny bit). As we leave my bedroom Nathan spreads his arm between the door frame and says pay up to come through (you see we live in Gauteng, the bastards are trying to make us pay to use our highways in and around town – commonly known as E-Tolls) – the savages they have got to my children!!! No, I will not pay – Nathan demands that I should pay if I want to go ahead, so I swipe my pen through his bum to replicate a card swipe(while he has shorts on..not through his bare bum, that would just be ewww) and I say “there, I don’t have cash, I only pay by card.” He looks at me, with a look of dismay (mmm note to self I seem to be getting quite a few of these looks from my kids) …however we proceed to the kitchen with no further tolls, I silently air punch, like the most recent victory in the high courts putting off the tolls for a bit longer, I have won this round and get to travel free J

But anyway I am sure the fact that I can’t read anything longer than 8 sentences has everything to do with bad marketing and nothing to do with the fact that I have a short attention span….I am sure his ADHD must come from his fathers side….the fact that I have lost my rhythm just because I left the room for 5 minutes is also no indication of  possible link to ADHD…snigger snigger…Oh dear…what was I saying again….