The other night at around 3:30am as I was ripped from a perfect night’s sleep by my toddler screaming mommmyyyy I need to weeeeeee….followed at 04:30 by mommmyyyy I need to pooooo…. it got me to thinking how different a 20 something mom is from a 30 something mom! You see, my eldest was born when I was a 20 something and my youngest when I was a 30 something – I know for a fact that I am a very different mom owing to this age difference.
I remember as a 20 something mom, being surrounded by friends who were 20 something mom’s. How competitive we were, through these little beings! I clearly recall thinking I must be raising somewhat of an imbecile as he wasn’t half as good as half the other mom’s made their kids out to be. When speaking to a 20 something mom, her baby would have slept through from 1 month old, sat unaided by 6 months, crawled by 7 months and gone sprinting in on their two feet to their first birthday. This same baby would be out of his cot by 18 months, said good bye to his nappies and feeding himself, without messing, by 2! He would also be able to string a number of words together and pronounce them perfectly! Now reading all of that just makes me tired, but I do remember buying in to the pressure and trying to get my little baby to do all the things he should be doing right on time – “like the books say” and like my friends said their babies were doing!
I remember sitting with a friend over a coffee, she was telling me what an angel her little baby was – he was reaching all his milestones – in fact most of them ahead of time! This little baby had apparently slept through since week one – so blessed they were! It was this very occasion that made me realize I had been set up to fail! Staring at her, seeing that her eyeliner was in fact not on her bottom lid, but on the lower side of the bag under her very black, sleep deprived eye, I realized that it was all a lie!
There I was a mom again in my early 30’s! Well now there is NO pressure, you have come to realize that most mom’s stretch the truth, maybe it is your own fear of being a good enough mother when you are in your 20’s! As a mom in your 30’s you don’t want to take the baby out of the cot, you know while he is in there he can’t escape – this also means he cannot come to your room or go anywhere else in the house to get up to mischief when everyone is sleeping – you in no way feel pressured to move him out of the cot, in fact you will encourage him to stay there! Younger moms will visit your home and say things like “oh my, is he STILL in his cot?!” It is with a huge amount of pride you answer “YES, yes he sure is” – like a bird in an aviary I tell you safe from all harm! You would also never think it is a good idea to try to teach this child to talk – the longer you can keep him mute, the better! There will be years of cheek and back chat, and yes all those special little things too – but hey he has a lifetime ahead of talking, who am I to encourage it now!?
So, when I hear my toddler scream out for me, from his room at these ungodly hours, I do not swell with pride that he calls me and doesn’t wet his bed! No, I find myself going to his room to ask “can I give you a nappy instead?” – he is always confused at his crazy mother ! On the wrong side of 30-something sleep is important, you do not just desire it, you need it – you need it like the air you breathe! You know that there is no pressure to take away this child’s nappy – eventually he will go to school and succumb to the pressure of his peers and let go….all on his own J
It is this very change in us, that makes our children turn out to be very different! It’s the difference between a child who is always under pressure to achieve and a child who will develop at their own pace! No amount of black mail will make the second born wee in a nappy when he has outgrown it, just as much as no amount of black mail would have made the 18 month old NOT wet his nappy because you decided it was time!
To motherhood and all it's wonders and challenges...
No comments:
Post a Comment