I cannot believe it has been over a month since I wrote a blog - what is it with this time of year that it it seems to lock in to cruise at about 200 km/h - can it just slow down already!
I say this pretty tongue in cheek as 2011 has not been the best year of my life and in fact it has been a pretty shitty year for most people around me - it's been the year of break ups, make ups, break downs and pretty much rocking your world whether for the good or bad! So it may just be a good thing for it to move on out of here!
I have just had my All Gold birthday - for those who have no idea what it is - that is when you turn 36thhhh! It is when you stare the BIG 40 straight in the eyes, no longer having it be way over the horizon - it is there 0 in your face - reminding you how the time is moving along! It was the birthday I was going to be debt free, I was going to be slim and most of all I was going to be celebrating the return of my mojo! Well having been dealt a few rather testing situations the last 2 years I am most certainly NOT debt free, being a STRESS eater neither am I slimmer and my mojo, well despite all my positive mantras and self belief tonight as I sit here the mojo - well she is gone!!! There is nothing worse for a positive person to lose their mojo and I don't mean to be judgemental or condescending to negative people - for anyone of us ever optimists down days are intolerable - not only by us, but by the people around us! As supportive as our friends try to be they do not know what to do with Ms Positive when she has a down day and joins the Pity Party for One! Neither your positive peeps nor your negative peeps quite know what to do with you on this given day! You see - you are the one who pulls these people out of their deep and dreary days - they are accustomed to being lifted by your positive energy - they do not have sufficient positive energy for themselves let alone enough to pick you up. It really is an intolerable place for us little optimistic beings too because we know the damage we ard doing by sending this self pity out to the universe and we judge ourselves harder than anyone else! The problem I think is that come tomorrow we skip on in all chipper again, having put on our big girl panties and built a bridge over all the shit - life is for the living, the law of attraction, be the change you want to see and wadda wadda fish paste!!! You see today is my down day (or should I say this evening) - yes I chose to be a little - no actually a lot more chipper today than what I felt - for one simple reason - that is what is expected of me - I am the funny one, the one who takes the piss out of you, your dog, your cat - or anything that will cheer you up, I am the shoulder to cry on, the Bluff chick to kick your son-of-a-bitch partner up the arse when he treats you like shit, the mamma that has your back - what I am NOT is a self pitying negative person - so I generally choose my hours of depression to be accommodating to those around me! So tonight was my night, tomorrow I will be over it - but it doesn't stop me wondering what us positives do to ourselves on the inside by always being so positive - how well do we deal with our stuff if we never get to release the pent up emotions - now don't let me lead you down the road of temptation to become negative, I know for a fact that kind of behaviour can be more damaging to your body! I know tomorrow I may read this blog and think what the hell was I thinking rambling on like some depressive suicidal maniac - but I guess it needs to be said - sometimes just sometimes realise that being the happy, cheerful, positive one is hard work - we don't roll out of bed with a Kodak smile and bottle of gummy berry juice to have us cheerfully dancing around - it is hard work, it is constant conditioning of the mind, it is as we have recently been told way harder to be the Victor than the Victim - so a spare a thought for the happy chick when she has her down day - but God forbid, don't pity her for she will have no choice but show you how happy she is again! So to my fellow Positives around me - you all know who you are - thanking for sharing your energy when mine is drained, thank you for the pep talk just enough to not be pitying, thank you for knowing that from time to time I lose my mojo, but allowing me the freedom to get it back when I am ready!
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