This morning as I put the cups out for our morning coffee, I got such a warm and fuzzy feeling as the 4 cups stood in front of me – seems strange I suppose, but you see rewind 5 years and then it all seems clearer! Let me explain – all of this came to me after watching Private Practice last night – it’s back whooo hooo! You see last night was about a couple who so desperately wanted a baby, their baby had died tragically and all they wanted now was another chance. Now for those of you who watched the show you would have seen the look on her face when she spoke to Addison – now if you have ever felt a baby’s soul talk to you then you would recognize that look and feel the pain!
Rewind 5 years, my eldest son, who was conceived like clockwork I may add, started asking for a sibling – we had never considered having another child and so when he started asking for a sister or brother we were like ummm well maybe!! And then boom a few months later it was like I could feel this baby calling, telling me that it wanted to come be part of our family! Here I was 30 years old with a kid short of 5 and now I was wanting to start again – madness I guess! Considering how effortless it was to fall preggies with Dillon I had never considered that I may battle – well weeks, turned into months and every month I would be met with a disappointment! It becomes an obsession – you eat, sleep and breathe baby and it seems like every corner you turn is an expectant mom and everyone you speak to is pregnant! That soul calls out to you – louder and clearer than anything you have ever heard.
Eventually we hit the jackpot – one day almost 2 years later there it was – the second line – the line I had been waiting to see – countless rands down the drain in the hope that maybe this time and here at last – the second line!
My second line will be turning 3 next month and I tell you what – sometimes I want to tear my hair out with him – he is cheeky, he is loud, he is determined, he answers me back, he has an answer for everything, he challenges me on every level – he is a part of me, he is me, he is my life, my breath, my blood – I have been blessed and honoured to bring this child in to the world and just when I think I can’t anymore he looks at me with a look of adoration, dives at me with the biggest hug and says Mummy, I love you …this is love, it has no conditions, it is pure, honest love – I am his people – I would give anything for this little person! Despite all the challenges, this little being loves me and trusts me and that is a feeling, a feeling every person who wants a child should be allowed to feel!
My warm and fuzzy feeling this morning came from something as simple as 4 cups – 4 cups symbolizing my life – my people, what my life is about – the people who have loved me even when I was nasty, or bitter – when I had nothing – they were there and they continue to be there!
To those who still hear the souls call and face the constant disappointment, may your blessing come! To those who heard the souls call and have been blessed – appreciate these little beings and remember you their people!
Love and light xx
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